The 3 Things I Wanted In A Man

On one of our earliest phone calls Toben asked me what I was looking for in a relationship. I told him 1) someone who love God; 2) someone that loves their family; and 3) someone that has a job. He immediately started to make fun of me (that should have been a foreshadowing of things to come) and said I didn’t set my standards very high. I immediately got defensive (sadly this has become my defense mechanism and he is helping me work through that) and started explaining myself.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to find a man who sought after God’s heart like it was his job. (I believe it is our job for the record!) Coming from the family that I have there has literally not been anything outside of God himself that has been more important than loving your family. I’m ok with us disagreeing or even being totally frustrated with each other…but as a Hinojosa we defend each other with everything we have in us. That means no one else better every disrespect or hurt my people or feelings might get hurt. So finding a man that loved his family was very important to me.

My third requirement took a bit more explaining. The last relationship that I was in wasn’t a great one and financially almost ruined me because I wanted to give and do anything to make it work. Thankfully it didn’t and thankfully it didn’t ruin me either. But, I knew I didn’t want to be in the position of ever doing that to myself again and therefore my next guy needed a job. I’m sure that seems silly to some, but I settled for far too long in my life and I wasn’t willing to do it again.

Toben pushed me hard on that last one to really describe what I wanted and then kept pushing until I finally said it. I wanted to be treated like a queen. To this day I’m not sure I had ever verbalized these words. Those words and that concept never left him. I mean seriously, he proposed to me at a castle, he does our laundry, brings me coffee every single morning, and the list goes on. The heart that this man has to serve me is unlike anything I have ever witnessed, dreamed of, or prayed for.

I’d be a wealthy women if I was paid for the number of times I’ve said to him “I can do that” and his immediate replay is “A Queen doesn’t do that” or “it’s not about what you can or can’t do”. Today has been no exception. I have watch this man do everything under the sun today to give me a day of rest and relaxation, the way he serves our family is something that books should be written about. In my humble opinion, our world needs more men like my man! By no means are things between us perfect. Marriage is hard work, and I never knew what that actually meant until we got married, but what we have is exactly what God wrote for our lives. All of my years of doubt, of feeling forgotten and abandoned by God, and undeserving of a hot husband that loves God, loves his family, and has a job have been redeemed.

Toben is teaching me with every act of service, forgiveness, and understanding of my flaws that I am ok to be loved by him and by God!

We are simply Better Together!