3 years ago today you left us and there has not been a day that has gone by that we haven’t missed you. I mean how could we not, you were larger than life and you knew it. But 3 years is already too long and I’m not sure what that means or how we face year 4 or 5 or 20. You are my big brother and you were supposed to still be here.
I need you to know I forgive you for leaving us. That doesn’t mean I might not get mad at you on occasion (I am your lil seester after all), but I understand why you had to go. I’m glad you were there to meet dad, he needed to be with you.
Don’t worry about us, we all miss you but are doing everything we can to keep your memory alive and to honor your life. I even saw an eagle a couple weeks ago and I think that was exactly what I needed to know you’re ok. I hope you keep showing up in those random places for all of us, but mostly pray you keep showing up for B. He is so much like you…but cuter! 🙂
Until next time, rest easy Tony McQueen I love you and miss you every single day!
I think when Covid hit for many of us we didn’t take it as seriously as we should have. For those with doctors or nurses in their families they were hearing how bad it could get. Toben and I went to Mexico for a week in early February and I had made 2 different work trips in January. Even the week before our Mexico trip we talked about if we should go or not…we did and I don’t regret it at all.
Fast forward to March when we, along with our nephew took a trip to Washington to see Emma and the Coronavirus was in full swing. We felt like we were still safe to travel as long as we were careful. So I wiped down everything in the plane, the rental car, our hotel room, and even in restaurants. Thank goodness we did not get sick, especially since at that point Washington was a hot spot. But, I cam home from that trip on a Sunday and by Monday my doctor had let me know he did not want me in the office or going in public (thank you asthma and immune system). I was sent home and had to set up shop here.
The David C Cook building in my sideview the last time I drove away from it.
It didn’t take long…like less than a week before my entire office shut down. At first it was 4-8 weeks, then til July, and last I heart it would be at least a year. So we all took turns going in and clearing out all of our things, that was not what I ever expected but it was our reality.
I have no idea when this global pandemic will end or how many more lives will be lost, but I just know I want to do my part. I don’t intend on being the expert on stopping the spread of Covid, I choose to believe science (not those arguing on social media), and I pray daily for families that have suffered loss like I have.
So we will continue to wash our hand, sanitize like crazy, social distance, and YES my family and I will continue to wear mask. In the past 7 months I’ve taught myself to sew…never saw that coming. Thankfully Toben bought me a great new machine Christmas of 2018 and it finally came out of the box. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m making and selling them to people everywhere and I love it. It gives me joy and gives me a purpose to know another family is doing their best to do their part.
I can’t believe it’s been more than a year since either of us have come on here to write and yet I’m totally owning the fact that I didn’t want to write either.
This past year has not been a fun one. And before you say it’s been bad for most of the country or the world I get that and don’t deny it, but 2020 has been a year that I wish I could start over and make different choices. Maybe if I did they my dad would still be here.
The summer of 2019 we had to put my dad into a nursing home due to his Parkinson’s it was no longer safe for him to walk around my parents house. It was a year ago this month that I went to see him for the first time in that place and will never forget the sounds of his cry when I had to leave. He didn’t want to be there and I didn’t want him there. Thankfully I was able to see him again in December of 2019, but that was the last time I was able to put my arms around my sweet daddy.
Covid hit the world right before I was going to head back home for a visit and his nursing home like all of them went into lockdown and he didn’t get to have contact with anyone that loved him. Thank the good lord above for his iPad and FaceTime because that was our near daily way to communicate for months. Until he lost his life like over 200,000 other Americans lost their lives to his horrible virus.
I can’t go into details about those last days (it’s simply too hard), but they were horrible for him and for those of us that love him soo much. On May 14th my sweet & beautiful daddy breathed his last breath and went home. He was finally reunited with Jesus, his beloved son, his mom & dad, his baby brother, and so many others he desperately missed. But my mom and I are now all that is left of our family of 4.
Sometimes I feel like I’m still living in this twilight space of did that just really happen to me and is this my real life. In 2.5 years I lost my brother and my dad…no one should suffer loss like this.
Fast forward to August when I found out that I was 1 of 40 people that was being laid off due to workforce reduction “Covid strikes again”. I can’t say that I’m sorry about that (well not for me but for my coworker I am), that I was surprised (I had already opted to move to part-time), or that I was even sad. I’m sad about missing my team, they were family to me and most of them still are. I love them and if they are reading this I want them to know I love them, miss them, and pray for them often.
In the middle of all of this Toben started a new job with a new company that he loves. I’m just so dang proud of the work he’s doing there and the way his cares for his work, his team, and their mission. This transition has allowed me to be a stay-at-home wife. This feels like the first piece of normalcy I have felt as a wife since we got married. I think I always had this vision of what it would look like to be married and staying home was one of those things.
So here I am. I’m at home & ready to write again. Ready to begin dreaming & creating.
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