When Grief Becomes a Gift

2 weeks and 2 days. It’s hard to believe that I’m sitting in his house and he isn’t here. Well he is, but not in the way I wish he was. Every previous visit between September 2016 and September 2017 involved me going upstairs to check on him and make sure he was ok. To give him space and let him rest. But, he doesn’t need a nagging little sister to check on him anymore, but this little sister still need him.

I’m trying to figure out how to move forward, everyone else around me is moving forward. My sister-in-law is being forced to learn what her new normal looks like, she didn’t sign-up for this! Yet she walks tall and makes us proud. Literally from the day we heard “stage 4 esophageal cancer”, I have watched her grow in strength and faith instead of the alternative. I made a decision that day to follow her lead. I knew if Sue could survive this battle then so can I. So we are moving on as a family, but we are moving on with Tony with us.

This weekend we will head to East Lansing to meet and cheer on our beloved Spartans for the very first time without him. This feels huge in so many ways –both good and bad.

Grief isn’t easy. Grief is certanily not fun. But, I’m choosing to look at my grief as a gift. It is a gift that is teaching me about the faithfulness in who God is. Grief is teaching me to embrace every moment, every person, and making my wrongs right. It is teaching me to love and appreciate my precious husband more. We’ve had so many people tell us how my brother, his wife, and even myself have inspired them by our faith as Tony fought this battle. Once I knew his days were numbered and even after he went home I knew that I had to make a choice to not give up. I knew that if I let my faith fail now then all that had come before these moments would be in vain. I just won’t do that to myself, to my God, to Tony’s family, or any of our friends. At the end of the day I’m kinda jealous that he’s with Jesus living it up!

#HinojosaStrong